


The Stargate Ultimatum.

by millygal



Series: Fandom Character Meme [10]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stargate Atlantis, The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Crossover, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-11 14:59:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1174457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm a spy, I spy things...Look, there's a castle, I spied it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stargate Ultimatum.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [echoes_of_another_life](https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoes_of_another_life/gifts).



> Written for stir_of_echoes for the 'Fandom Character Meme' Complete crack, total and utter in fact!  
> Her question: (2 and 7 are spies, they inject 13 with a truth serum who then tells them they're really what?)

Spike comes skidding to a stop in front of a downed and prone Teyla, Gandalf standing smugly above her, staff gripped tightly in his fist, "Well done Wiz, didn't know you had it in you!"

Gandalf eyes Spike before using the point of his staff to thwack him on the back of the thighs, "You have no faith vampire. I could wipe the floor with you!"

Spike steps away from the wizard and his staff, keeping a close eye on the glowing crystal at its tip, "Okay, okay, no need to get your panties in a bunch. Quick, jab her before she comes to."

Leaning down, Gandalf inserts the business end of a hypodermic needle into Teyla's jugular, insuring the truth serum hits home as quickly as possible.

Teyla's head twitches as she comes round, groggy and wondering why the hell she's laid on the wet ground at the feet of a man who's clearly wearing a dress, "What is the meaning of this!"

Spike crouches in front of Teyla, hands up in defence, and tilts his head, "No need to get your kill on warrior woman, we just wanted to know exactly how you managed to bypass the warding on the Zenex building."

"That's extremely easy, we were given the pass codes by the director and..." Teyla clamps a hand over her mouth before raising confused eyes to her two captors.

Spike looks up at Gandalf and grins, "Least we know it works. You reckon they'd notice back at base if some of it went walkies?"

Gandalf rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "No, vampire, you cannot use it to play games with your sire, as much as you'd like to hear him admit he cries when he comes. Stupid vermin, I never understood why Giles paired me with you."

Spike lays a hand over his heart and pouts, "You wound me Wiz, he paired us because he knows sometimes you're too prim and proper to kick arse the way...anyway, Teyla, you were saying. How'd you get in?"

Teyla's lips form the words without her say so and she hangs her head before answering, "The director's an old friend, he gave us the codes and anti-warding rituals, he wants this place shut down as much as we do."

"And who is we, what are you?"

"I'm an uptight warrior from the Pegasus Galaxy who thinks that her Colonel could do so much better than that man mountain Ronon and if he'd only have made his move before I was pregnant then it would have been us mooning at each other all over Atlantis, not that dreadlock'd idiot."

Spike and Gandalf hear the hollered, "HEY!" before they see two men come storming round the corner, guns trained expertly in their direction.

"Easy Chewie, she's not herself."

Ronon gives Teyla the look of death before launching a flying kick at Spike's stunned face. Dropping the vampire, the Specialist looks over his shoulder at John who's checking over their teammate, "What about the old guy?"

Too late, Ronon turns back to where the wizard was standing to be met with a face full of cloying smoke, "Aww shit! Woolsey's gonna be pissed."


End file.
